January 6, 2012 – Mount of Olives, Gethsemane, Holocaust Museum, Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Wailing Wall (Shabbat Party)

Finally in Jerusalem – it feels as if we have arrived, more than just physically.

This day brought with it the most personal impact of the trip, but I must admit that I was a bit unprepared for what it would hold – although that may have been a necessary thing for me, as I was then unable to control the emotions that followed. Honestly, up until today I had sensed myself experiencing this place with my mind predominately more than my heart and spirit. Soaking up the knowledge of these places is important; however, there was a piece missing that could not be explained (and yes I am aware that the Helen Keller quote I shared a few posts ago fits this notion perfectly – ha – perhaps the thoughts held in that blog helped prepare me for today).

After taking in the breathtaking view of the city (shown above), we found our way to a little Byzantine church on the Mount of Olives.

While inside the church, we sang the Doxology, and you could almost feel the holiness of the place enlarge as the sacred words and melody filled this ancient space and continued the worship that has been held within its walls for centuries. The unique and equally moving part about this church is that it was built with the direction of worship towards Jerusalem, which was quite uncommon during the time of its construction – and if you stand in the center of the church looking out of the window, the cross is placed directly over the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, which is now believed to be the place of the crucifixion and burial of Jesus – you could feel the Spirit in this place as your heart swelled looking through that window.

With the view of Jerusalem in our sights, our guide read Luke 19:41-44 in which Jesus wept over Jerusalem saying,

Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes…because you did not know the time of your visitation.

Those words cut like a knife and again caused my heart to swell as I felt the passion in that cry and experienced the humanity of Christ as he wept over the very city my eyes beheld at that moment. And I couldn’t help but ponder what things are currently hidden from my own eyes because I am not divinely aware.

Gethsemane was our next destination which held olive trees that were alive at the time of Christ, and we viewed first-hand the analogy of new shoots being grafted into an old olive tree (Romans 11).

The Church at Gethsemane itself was truly stunning. Although it was difficult to picture this place as it would have been when Christ was there on the night before his crucifixion – the sun shining joyfully didn’t seem to fit the sobering events that found their setting here.

But the most overwhelming location of the church was the open ancient rock to which worshippers gathered as Christ’s prayers of anguish to ‘take this cup’ were fresh in our minds – again the humanity of Christ – yet He ultimately declared ‘not mine, but Your will be done.’ The moments leading up to the trial and crucifixion played themselves in my mind – yet in a sobering silence.

Then it finally happened – the moment when the reality that I was walking through and touching and seeing the very places I have read all my life overwhelmed me to the core. And it is fitting that I would finally begin to unclench the tight fist I often hold on my emotions on the day we experience the places marking the humanity of Christ. No words could mark these experiences – no souvenier or photo or explanation from our guide (or anyone) could capture it – and I remained almost breathless as tears streamed down my cheeks – even songs were silent in my mind for the first time since our journey began.

Yet a thought struck me – it’s not just about the stones or the sites themselves – if it is (and often I have allowed myself to let it be so), it becomes an idol. C.S. Lewis phrases the idea eloquently in the Weight of Glory…

The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only come through them, and what came through them was longing. These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past – are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited. (Lewis)

More than tuning into the stories of these stones, which I hope I do not miss, I began to feel the call for my soul to sink deeper into the soil of memory’s echo found in these places – because through these sites, a tune of Heaven is carried – a tune of the cloud of witnesses urging us to keep pressing on – a tune of redemption in its fullest form – a tune of hope – a tune of trust in the midst of unimaginable struggle – a tune of peace – a tune of Emmanuel, God With Us, who continues to meet us where we are whether at a sacred site in Israel or at home in Nashville, TN – a tune that reminds us…

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

I sensed a piece of me beginning to fear the closing days of our trip – almost as if I would have nothing else to look forward to after this pilgrimage of sorts was over – but I was forgetting that God was coming through these sacred sites but was not solely contained in them – there is something beautiful and necessary and worshipful about about the holy reverence of this land – but He still meets each of us wherever we are, Holy Land or not – and I ached to live marked by these experiences as well as that Truth. (Many more posts will probably be birthed out of certain revelations this day.)

The emotions continued as our next destination was the Holocaust Museum – yet again, nothing could have prepared me for this. One of the incredible women of our group was the daughter of a survivor of the Holocaust – she bravely shared some of her mother’s stories with us, and the reality of this atrocity pierced our hearts deeply – you could keenly feel the ebb and flow of grief through her – and it was an honor to walk through this incredible Memorial with her – for her to allow us to enter in with her and remember that every one of the survivors and the 6 million murdered and the survivors had individual stories just like us. Words cannot encompass that experience. The final room we entered was a beautiful place of hope and remembrance – it was a dark room filled with mirrors with five lights that were reflected thousands of times through the mirrors – the names of the children who were murdered were read one by one continually – and our guide told us that the five lights represented Hope and the 5 books of the Torah – powerful!

Finally, we made our way to the Church of the Holy Supulchre; however, it was extremely crowded and honestly, difficult for me to enter as a worshipper. But we were planning to return a couple days later, so we took in as much as we could during this brief visit.

Our last stop was the Wailing Wall as dusk was enveloping the city, marking the beginning of the Sabbath.

I am not sure exactly what I expected for the Sabbath in Jerusalem, but I was not expecting a party in the streets from the young people! It was fascinating to see them gather in courtyards and even the Wailing Wall itself and sing and dance with such excitement – Kimberly kept wanting to join the Shabbat party (and I secretly did too!). Such life filled the streets. We had the opportunity to go down to the actual Western Wall and pray – and the juxtaposition of the emotions directly at the wall and a few feet back where the party began was almost jarring and yet beautiful – deep prayers were being offered in almost a hush close to the wall while what seemed akin to our loud and joyful songs of praise were filling the air with life – it was perhaps one of the most unique experiences of the trip!

Shalom.

We arrived back in the land flowing with milk and honey late the night prior, not allowing us to experience the indescribable sensation of floating in this unique Sea until this morning – which was probably better.  We arose at dawn, and a few of us girls first made our way to the hotel’s Spa which had a heated indoor pool filled with water from the Dead Sea – it was open for an hour in the morning for women only, so we joined the local women in this relaxing past-time – however we stuck out like a sore thumb being among the few women not dressed from head to toe in burkas – an interesting experience.  Then we wandered a few minutes down the road to the actual Dead Sea and enjoyed the beach practically to ourselves with the sun beaming on our excited faces. The water was a pristine blue, and although the water was a bit chilled, we loved it!  You should definitely add this to your bucket list!

After being thoroughly refreshed, we loaded the bus and made our way to Masada, which definitely became one of my favorite sites of ruins from the trip.  To give you an idea of its scale, I snapped a shot of this painting …

This ancient city built on top of a massive rock plateau overlooking the Dead Sea was fortified yet again by Herod the Great (it is truly unbelievable how much Herod did in his lifetime – although he clearly thought the ends justified the means, leading to his nickname of the 2 B’s – the Butcher and the Builder as aforementioned).  However, Masada is most known for its bloody final stance by the Jews as the Romans were about to seize the city.  According to Josephus, the Romans surrounded Masada on all sides and built a ramp to ultimately lay seige on the land.

But when the Romans finally breached the fortress on April 16, 73 CE, they discovered that the 960 inhabitants commited a mass suicide because they would rather die free than live as a Roman slave – supposedly the men killed their families and then drew lots (which were found) for the man who would ultimately kill the rest of them – a very sobering story.

We ascended to the summit via a cable car, and then soaked in the sites as we tried to imagine what life would have been like in this ancient city.

Yet again, I could not help thinking about the story of these stones – what they held when Herod’s Palace was built on this summit, when the people felt safe within the fortress and went about their daily lives unafraid, when the Romans were slowly surrounding and reaching closer and closer to the top, when the men decided to commit a mass suicide, when some of the children couldn’t understand, when the last man stood and took his own life, when the Romans breached the walls and realized what had happened… such stories in these stones – a repeating theme of this trip that will probably only continue.

To lighten the mood a bit after our time at Masada, we experienced incredible hospitality and one of my favorite meals of the trip at a Bedouin village that was built to show what an ancient Bedouin village would have looked like.

And did I mention we had some fun riding camels?

 

Over lunch, Kimberly and Pastor Lyon recored a soon to be aired CBH program focusing on the link of the Bedouin hospitality to that of Abraham’s hospitality to the three visitors in Genesis 18.  Being in this place absolutely makes the stories I’ve read for so long come alive – I am eager to begin my seminary classes with these scenes fresh on my heart and mind.  As Pastor Lyon said on Sunday night, for some reason God chose to reveal Himself on this very land – and I’m realizing how important it is for me to understand this place and the framework of the culture when diving into the study of the Word.  So often it is easy to clothe the Scriptures in my modern day Americanized concepts of what they should look like – and although the Word is just as applicable to my life today as it was when it was written, knowing and seeing the background of those life-changing words breathes new life onto them, especially onto scenes that have previously been easy for me to overlook.

And the above statement will guide these next three days, which will be spent in Jerusalem as I try to take in the sites of the city with all of my senses – it feels appropriate that Jerusalem is our last destination – as if everything else was leading up to this.

Our group somehow had a stolen hour to ourselves in this fascinating ancient city which lies at the junction of the Valley of Jezreel and the Jordan River Valley. And according to 1 Samuel 31, this is the very location where Saul’s body was hung on the wall by the Philistines – probably on the wall surrounding the Tell (the great mound in the middle of the above photo).

We wandered through the excavated streets and structures from the Egyptians, Romans, Byzantines, and more. Because we wore ear pieces allowing us to easily hear our guide describe the vast history of the places we visit, I was able to venture just ahead of the group most of the morning and truly take in the life that was held on these very streets over the centuries – scenes from the memory of this site seemed to flood my seneses as I imagined what I would be doing as a 24 year old female during the life of this place – the various roles I would have played as an Egyptian, a Roman, etc. My favorite part of traveling is trying to tune into the unique rhythm of a place – if you listen, you can feel it – and no other place will move you in quite the same way.

A few of us couldn’t resist being invigoratingby racing to the top of the Tell and overlooking the valley of ruins.

Fun trivia for you – a portion of Jesus Christ Superstar was filmed here in Bet She’an, and they left a remnant from their filming on the Tell.

After enjoying the endorphin rush of the climb, we loaded the bus and departed for Jordan – I again had a bit of trouble crossing the border as they kept making calls about my passport, but all ended well. Kimberly had told me that the contrast between Jordan and Israel would be apparent upon the moment of crossing the border – and it was. Israel is truly a land flowing with milk and honey, whereas Jordan is much more sparse and impoverished. It was reminiscent of Kolkata and Uganda in some respects, yet with a dusted tan backdrop of vast, rocky mountains.

But what struck me most was the women – there is this quiet and beautiful strength I have noticed about the face of a woman in an extremely male-dominant society – the same realization hit while again in Kolkata and last year in Syria – and the memory was brought to the forefront of my mind upon catching the glance of a woman with captivating brown alomnd-shaped eyes while peering through the bus window. The quiet strength is an almost indescribable trait with which I cannot empathize and only notice – and yet it is somehow an unspoken bond between the women of the land.

We journeyed through the rocky and barren terrain up to Mount Nebo – and I must confess that the drive alone challenge my spirit and nearly left me sick to my stomach – I truly could not imagine wandering through that land for 40 YEARS with Moses!!!! It was a big check for my spirit to begin to question whether I would remain faithful and trusting of the Lord’s promise to Moses or if I would have added to the chorus of complaints.

And with this terrain in mind, the veiw from Mount Nebo was even more powerful. There was a slight haze in the air and visibility was therefore not as clear as some said it can be – but it was breathtaking to see the land gradually become more smooth and reveal a valley of fertile land.

I kept trying to imagine the emotions Moses would have felt upon finally approaching this summit. One of the pastors in our group encouraged us to remember that the man who stood on top of Mount Nebo overlooking the Promised Land was the same man overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy while standing before the burning bush. And yet because of one act of disobedience, he was only able to view the Promised Land and would never dwell in it. It was overwhelming and impossible to imagine what filled Moses as he stood at the very place where my feet were at that moment – perhaps a mixture of relief that it was over, grief over that one act of disobedience, awareness of what Joshua would face as he would then lead the people, amazement at the scope of his life and how God had fulfilled His promises that must have seemed absurd at the time, peace that He had continued to press on and lead faithfully even when He knew He would never set foot in the lush land, joy that His descendents would finally taste the fruits of the land flowing with milk and honey…

Pastor Lyon also reminded us what a cost is attached to leadership. This notion urged me to pick up a rock for myself and a couple others who feel called to be leaders of The Church – it is only a rock, but it symbolizes much to me – it symbolized the importance of never forgetting what saying Yes to the call entails, it symbolizes that God will fulfill His promises, and it especially symbolizes the realization that I may never actually walk in the Promised Land but I must remain faithful to it – it reminds me that my obedience matters not because of what I may get out of it, but because of what it may prepare for God’s people that I may never (and probably will not) see this side of Heaven. I pray that at the end of my life, I would be able to see a glimpse of what a life of obedience could prepare – however, that must not be the goal – the goal must not be for some satisfaction just for myself – it must ultimately be for the glory of God and His people – it is easy to say, but much more difficult to allow to sink into the core of your being – but it does fuel me to keep pressing on and keep telling the people to ‘go forward’ (Exodus 14:15) as Darlene Zschech urged the listening lead-worshippers at the Hillsong Coference a few years ago. It was all sobering for me in a necessarily holy way.

With a full heart, our day’s journey ended in a Bedouin hotel in the outskirts of Jordan – only after watching Indiana Jones on the long bus ride to get us ready to explore the ancient city of Petra the next day!😄

We left our hotel in Tiberias as the dawn quietly began peeking through the fog-laden scenery surrounding the Sea of Galilee. There was something beautifully meditative about the chill of the air and the drizzle sneaking from the hovering pillows of rain clouds. It was such an unassuming morning. And something Pastor Lyon said last night struck me – he mentioned how important it is to note that this place is somewhat unassuming and yet this is where God chose to reveal Himself out of all other places in the world – and the people He often used (and uses) are typically unassuming (Mary, Peter, Mother Teresa…) – with this framework in mind, it is quite striking to let the realization take hold that He can yet do something extraordinary with our own unassuming lives.

As we drove throughout the morning, I began to think of the quote,

The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart. (Helen Keller)

Those words encompassed me as I looked through our bus window realizing I could never capture the depth of beauty of the scenery in words or in photos. And those words sunk even deeper when I placed my iPod on shuffle and the song ‘Yahweh’ began playing. My eyes closed as the lyrics and melody swept over me and somehow the modern Israel began to drift away and the land Moses, Joshua, Peter, Paul, etc. would have viewed filled my imagination. As the lyrics “We look to Yahweh, our hope is Yahweh…He shall reign forever…” played, it was as if the song from the days of Noah and Abraham and onward filled my spirit – the song of those who have gone before us – the song of those who declared that regardless what the world said, they would look to Yahweh – the song of the cloud of witnesses.

I have never fully been able to comprehend that great cloud of witnesses with my logic, but as the aforementioned quote said, I feel it with my heart. It is what fuels me as I have opportunities to be a lead-worshipper – that somehow we are connected to that cloud of witnesses of those who have gone before and those who will follow. After ‘Yahweh’ overwhelmed my heart and played several times, I turned to the Gungor song, ‘We Will Run’ – and it was as if that was the song of our current generation in my spirit – the song of The Church around the world – the song of those who are continuing the sound that has been recorded throughout history of those who again say that they will look to Yahweh regardless of what the world says.

There is something about this place – I remember feeling it as well especially in the place of ancient Antioch where we were last year – you can almost hear the voices of those few known and countless unknown faithful followers urge you to keep going – to keep pursuing – to keep pressing on to your own promised land. And to be honest, I need this Truth to be constantly on my mind.

Speaking of pressing forward, we pressed on with another nonstop day beginning with Caesarea Philippi – this ancient pagen center of worship served as the famous setting for Jesus and his disciples in Matthew 16:13-20, in which Peter confesses Jesus is the Christ and Jesus declares that ‘upon this rock (Peter) I will build my church.’

We then had the opportunity to go to the Sea of Galilee and view a boat excavated from the area dating back to the First Century. Afterwards, we boarded a boat called ‘Faith’ and sailed to the middle of the sea (more accurately termed a lake).

As we were sitting on the serene water, we worshipped with a small worship team who owned the boat. It was beautiful as the songs flowed from Hebrew and English words. Yet what consumed my thoughts most often was the question of whether or not I would be willing to jump in the water and walk in faith as Peter had done. It is easy to say that I would until I stand on that very water and realize that endless doubts would probably fill this over-analyzer’s mind. (Will most likely be wrestling with this for a whole – in an important and healthy way).

Onward we marched to the Mount of Beatitudes as the sun began to shine through the beautifully dreary day.

Our final destination of the day was the site where Jordan River baptisms are held. Eighteen members of our group decided to be baptized in the murky and nearly freezing water during the last few moments of daylight – each had a unique and personal reason for this act of obedience and testimony in the story of their faith journey – it was a beautiful and powerful site.

More to come as our journey continues tomorrow to Bet She’an, Mount Nebo, and more…

Shalom.

Our journey began in Caesarea – a stunning seaside city, which has held historical significance since King Herod built it somewhere between 25 and 13 B.C. (King Herod was called the 2 B’s by Josephus: the Butcher and the Builder). The text of Caesarea is in Acts 10:1-6.

We congregated in the ancient theater area as Pastor Lyon and Kimberly recorded the first Christians Broadcasting Hope (CBH) recording of our trip. What a gift to be led through this land by two of my favorite teachers and spiritual leaders!

As we sat in the ancient theater, I could not help but closing my eyes and picturing a 24 year old female sitting on the same stones 2,000 years ago – a different circumstance but perhaps someone sitting in that very place between now and then was filled with similar emotions that are swimming in my spirit at this point of my story. I never want to miss the humanity that has walked these stones – and I pray that I resist any urge to belittle this significance of this land to merely names recorded and solely architectural accomplishments – but to remember the fears and joys and doubts and faith and flesh and blood that walked among these very stones – we are connected.

Our day brought us past Mount Carmel and Mount Tabor (believed to be the Mount of Transfiguration) and then to Har Megiddo (Armageddon) – the place holding such important stories including those of King Ahab and Solomon. An ancient well built by King Ahab was still in tact, and it was surreal to walk through that place where the women of the day would have gone daily to fetch water for their families. We didn’t get much time to bask in the place, but once we ascended to the top, my breath was taken as I viewed the stunning overlook.

The Bryan and Katie Torwalt song, “I Breathe You In God” couldn’t help but escape my lips.

Our final primary destination of the day was Nazareth. To be honest, fatigue struck me about this time, and it was a struggle to allow my senses to truly embrace all that was occurring. We visited the site believed to be Mary’s home, which is now the Church of Annunciation – where Gabriel would have visited Mary.

This is a site that I believe will hit me most upon later reflection – the unbelievable privilege to have stood on that very land.

We also visited the church believed to be the place where Jesus read from Isaiah upon beginning his ministry. Again – surreal (this will probably be a reoccurring adjective on this trip).

Our exhausted but full souls finally found our home for the night in a hotel on the Sea of Galilee in Tiberias – blessed!! We Skyped into Madison Park Church as Pastor Lyon gave the message, of which the contents will probably weave their way into future day’s posts.

Looking forward to turning in early and experiencing the stories yet to be written in the upcoming days.

And I almost forgot – Happy New Year!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Live life with expectancy and not expectations.

That phrase is at the forefront of my mind often, but especially as I embark on an international trip or new experience. And as this pilgrimage of sorts through the Holy Lands begins, I am deeply expectant – expectant for the life-giving conversations and experiences and scenes that will flood me in these next few days, expectant to discover what is going to hit me most in the moment or when I return to the States or a year from now, expectant for the emotions that will encompass the experience of walking where Jesus would have walked, expectant for my soul to be filled with the culture and the food and the unique rhythm of these ancient cities through which my eager feet will roam.

And I don’t believe my great aunt meant that expectations were inherently bad – but perhaps they do more harm than good when we hold them too tightly and are unwilling to let them take the shape they were meant to have – when we are too busy allowing disappointment to hit us because something was not as we expected that we miss the beauty before us in an unforeseen form.

However the first dashed expectation occurred for me before I even entered the country. My passport ultimately caused an unexpected stir at customs due to stamps from Lebanon and Syria causing the customs authorities to detain my passport and place me in a waiting room for an hour and a half. If any of you have followed my tweets, you are aware that I don’t exactly have the best of luck when it comes to traveling, and generally if it can happen, it will happen to me. For instance, another member of our group had the same stamps in his passport and drifted through customs with ease. Haha. Thankfully my good friend, Andrew Lyon entered the picture after about a half hour of waiting – he probably saw the unsuccessfully masked concern in my eyes and waited with me until finally they let me into the country. Our Israeli guide, Kobi (short for Jacob), also eventually called the customs authorities and that somehow seemed to speed up the process of whatever background checks they were running on me. But once I crossed customs, deep gulps of the air of excitement began to fill my lungs after the span of short, worried breaths in the waiting room. (On a side note, with the mention of Syria, please join me in praying for my friends and The Church in Damascas as it is a very dangerous time there.)

Andrew and I joined the 28 others of our group, and as the hues of dusk began to fill the sky, our guide took us to Joppa (Joppa is the city’s Biblical name, Jaffa is the current name). We ventured through the streets with wide eyes as the story of Jonah and the big fish came alive. Kobi also had me read from Acts 10 in which Cornelius has a vision and sends men to Joppa to find Peter and bring him to Simon the tanner’s home. The brief venture through the ancient streets only whet my appetite for the days to come.

After checking into the hotel and having a lavish assortment of a buffet dinner from which to choose, Kimberly Majeski and I retreated to our room. We rang in the New Year with one of those unguarded conversations that fills your soul with the life that comes from being truly heard and understood – we shared about all this last year held and are both so thankful 2011 has been bookended with trips together to the Middle East.

And we look forward to waking up tomorrow and celebrating with our friends in the States (at 7am our time) as we watch the ball drop in NYC to the sound of my mom singing the Star Spangled Banner on Fox News!!

And yet, there is a piece of me that refuses to leave behind the old journal – I picture it now sitting on my bed (not yet in the shelf of journals from years passed) as the new one has just been christened on my last flight – wishing I could add pages to continue the story that has been written this past year in my old one – any of you journalers out there know that those pages somehow become a friend. However, I am often like this in many areas of my life – expectant for all that lies ahead as a new season is reached, and yet the fear of leaving behind what has been makes me ache to not step through the door of that new season – in truth, I often resist change.

And I feel that pull even now. As I sit in the JFK airport awaiting my flight to Israel to board and realizing there is only one more day in 2011, I sense myself drifting over this past year and all it held. This year held both deep struggle, unexpected triumph, and every emotion in between. And as the emotions seem to rush over me with the realization that I finally ‘made it’ to this next year, I remember a Bible Study I led with the concourse team during the last Women of Faith event this year about Joshua and the Stones of Remembrance – and nothing seems more fitting than that truth in this moment…

After Moses’ death, the Lord calls Joshua to lead the people over the Jordan River as they press on to the promised land – the promise and command He gives Joshua is empowering and you should really read it in Joshua 1:1-9 – but it ends with the Lord saying…

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

The ark of the covenant was to go with the entire nation as they crossed the Jordan. The people were instructed to “not come near the ark, in order that you may know the way you should go, for you have not passed this way before.” And Joshua instructs the people to “consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” (Joshua 3: 4-5) The importance of allowing the presence of the Lord to lead and to consecrate ourselves is something not to be missed in passing through this story!

When the time finally came to cross the Jordan, the priests who were to bear the ark of the covenant were told that the waters would not part until the soles of the feet of the priests rested in the waters of the Jordan. As it says in Joshua 3:15, “now the Jordan overflows all its banks throughout the time of harvest,” and those high waters would have concealed some uncertain terrain of tree roots and such at the banks of the river. I love this because it was a huge step of faith (literally and figuratively) for the priests to step into the Jordan – they would have known that it was not going to be an easy task to find firm ground right away – and yet they stepped forward (that alone has deeply challenged me).

Try to stay with me Verse 17 tells us the priests bearing the ark stood firmly on dry ground until the entire nation crosses the river. No small feat! And here is what I love – when the entire nation had passed through, the Lord instructs Joshua to have twelve men, one from each tribe, take one stone each (twelve total) from the very place the priests stood in the midst of the Jordan and lay them in the place where they would stay that night so that

this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever. (Joshua 4:6-7)

Then in verse 9, which may be my favorite piece of this story, it says that “Joshua set up twelve stones in the midst of the Jordan, in the place where the feel of the priests bearing the ark of the covenant stood.” 40,000 people ready for war passed through, and when “the soles of the priests’ feet were lifted up on dry ground, the waters returned to their place and overflowed all its banks, as before.” (4:18) Yet again, Joshua tells the people that the reason for the stones are to tell the next generations what the Lord has done,

so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” (Joshua 4:24)

How in the world does this story relate to the close of another year? Stones of Remembrance! Since we no longer build altars or erect stones after major events (although grave stones represent a stone of remembrance), I think we forget the importance of placing a marker on a significant event in our life – especially a significant event when God delivered us or performed something miraculous.

But we need to place those stones of remembrance in our lives. And sometimes they are private stones like the 12 Joshua placed in the midst of the Jordan river which no one would have seen after the people crossed. And sometimes they are placed where all can see – and when others ask why they are there, we can tell them what the Lord has done, just as Joshua told the people.

This blog for instance serves sometimes as a public stone of remembrance. And some of the stories contained in my journal hold private stones. But both point remind me that the Lord provides – that He will overcome when it seems that there is no way out – that I can trust when I feel Him asking me to step out into the overflowing banks of my own Jordan river, knowing the waters will not part until I step out in faith – that even in the darkest of nights, I can look to those stones and find hope in the moments that I knew without a doubt that the Lord was and is I AM.

So as the calendar of 2011 draws to a close, I am keenly aware of the unknowns that lie ahead of me even on this Israel trip on which I am embarking just now – the unknowns do not amount to what the Israelites faced as they crossed, but they are still just as real in my world. But I can cling to the promise and take courage just as Joshua did – and regardless of unknowns that await, I can say in this moment that the Lord has provided and delivered in ways I never could have imagined. That is my testimony as people ask why I may write these blogs – they are my own stones of remembrance that I pray somehow encourage and incite dialogue and help someone out there know they are not alone. And these stones provide hope for me as I look ahead. And may they somehow provide hope as you look ahead into the unknowns of your own life.

Shalom

I remember the very first time I felt my heart nudged to The Church globally – I was having trouble sleeping one night when I was in the 6th grade, and I began perusing the newest Brio magazine (a Christian teen girl’s magazine) – the main article was about their last mission’s trip to Rio de Janiero, and something in my heart nearly burst. I remember going downstairs and talking to my stepmom who just let my little heart explore this new found passion. The next day, we wrote to Brio asking if I could go on their next trip, but they said I was too young. So from that moment on, I began saving every penny from allowance, odd jobs, gifts, etc. I would get angry at my parent’s for getting me Birthday or Christmas presents because I wanted only money to put towards the longed-for trip – and after two years, over $2000 was saved, and I went on my first mission’s trip to Quito, Ecuador with a large group of teen girls from around the country with Brio.

The reason I tell you this is because my life has NOT been the same since reading that article as a little 6th grader. Since then, God has allowed me to travel to 20 countries and 6 continents, mostly on mission’s or ministry trips.

And that has shaped my very fabric. My lens is made up of that trip to Quito doing street ministry (and I was the clown!), experiencing the joy of a tiny village in Uganda on an island only found after a 2 hour leaky canoe trip, worshipping in mass at 5am with the Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata, India (formerly Calcutta) and having my heart broken as we served with the sisters, spending a week in the Ural Mountains with a youth group from Celyabinsk, Russia, hearing the Lord’s Prayer in Aramaic in the mountains of Syria, being equipped with leaders around the world at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney, having an unforgettable connection with a woman dying of (but LIVING with!) AIDS in Rwanda, helping teach and serve local church worship leaders in Galway, Ireland, worshipping with a passionate church body in Damascas…

I promise I am not telling you these things to give myself props or anything – but these have truly shaped who I am, and God continues to use these experiences to refine an unquenchable passion deep in my spirit for The Church nationally and globally. For a long time, I assumed God would call me to work in the field over seas – and I remember on my last trip to Africa, feeling very strongly that God had instead called me to use these experiences with and the passion for The Church globally to infuse into my ministry (whatever it may look like) in the States – frankly, that was a hard pill to swallow at first, and I resigned to the fact that I may not get many more opportunities to go over seas – and yet, as soon as I surrendered that, He allowed more opportunities to open up to serve and learn from The Church globally.

For the first time in my life, I have been able to say that I feel absolutely called to full-time ministry. And yet, I have no idea how that will look. While in Sydney a few years ago, God placed three things strongly on my heart as a calling…

• a call to be a lead-worshipper
• a call to The Church nationally and globally
• a call to teach and equip leaders of The Church

And yet again, I pray somehow my heart comes across in all of this – God is calling me into a season of obedience and trust as I walk into the vast unknowns that lie ahead – and in that, I feel that He has called me to just lay this out there in an act of obedience.

All of this to say, an opportunity to travel through the Holy Lands in Israel and Jordan has arisen for December 30 – January 9. This trip in and of itself has proven God’s faithfulness in my life – that this year, which has honestly been a huge testing year for me, is book-ended with trips to the Middle East – the blogs from my time in Syria and Lebanon can be found in the January archives This trip, like the one to Syria and Lebanon is with Christians Broadcasting Hope and will be led by Pastors Jim Lyon and Kimberly Majeski. I will be blogging every day and photographing the trip for CBH, but it is my responsibility to raise all funds personally, amounting to $3952.19 plus some ground expenses. And already, before I really started fundraising, God has provided $2,860 through the generosity of the body of His people – leaving $992.19 plus a bit extra for ground expenses to be raised. I am blown away by God’s provision!!!

This is a huge hit to my pride because I am not in a financial place to pay the remaining amount myself, against all saving efforts (as God has also called me to begin seminary next year, which is another topic entirely! ha). However, last year was the opening of Jenn’s Bake Shop – the little name I use to raise money for ministry trips. I LOVE to bake, especially around the holidays, so this fit perfectly.

How Jenn’s Bake Shop works is you can order any bake goods you would like and I can deliever or ship anywhere in the country. I just let you know the shipping cost, and you can donate whatever amount you feel led to – even $5 helps tremendously!

Some of the past favorites include…

Quick backstory (bear with me through some of this because I promise it’s worth it) – Abram (name has not yet changed to Abraham) is following the Lord’s call to “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing…” (Gen. 12:1-2). And yet in Genesis 15, Abram asks what most of us probably would – “O Lord, what will You give me for I continue childless…” And God affirms His promise with a covenant that Abram’s very own offspring WILL posess the land.

Which brings us to Genesis 16 (almost to the good stuff…). Sarai, Abram’s wife, took matters into her own hands (sounds like someone I know…someone perhaps writing this very blog). She decided to give her Egyptian maidservant, Hagar, to Abram as a wife – and Hagar eventually conceived but then began to despise Sarai – and the Word says Sarai dealt harshly with her and Hagar fled from her.

As Hagar is wandering in the wilderness – probably without a destination in mind but feeling there is no way she can go back, probably feeling alone, oppressed, used, emotional already because of pregnancy, etc. – an angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness (the author of the Bible study notes how much she loves that it uses the word “found” because it means God sought Hagar eventhough He knew where she was all along). The angel asks her where she has come from and where she is going – Sarai replies that she is fleeing (never mentions a destination) – and the angel tells her to go back to Sarai and submit to her (a bitter pill to swallow), however he says that the Lord will multiply her offspring – tells her that her son will be named Ishmael, meaning ‘God hears’ and ‘Yahweh has been attentive to your humiliation’ – and yet the Lord doesn’t beat around the bush and says that Ishmael will be a ‘wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone’s hand against him’ – but my favorite part is Hagar’s response…

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have seen the One who sees me.’”

As the author of the Bible study points out, this is so incredible because this is the ONLY INSTANCE IN THE ENTIRE OLD TESTAMENT when anyone is recorded giving a name to God – Hagar, the Egyptian maidservant, whom we don’t even know professed to believe in Yahweh called Him El Roi, the God of seeing!!!!! The place where this unprecedented event took place was then renamed Beer-lahairoi meaning ‘the well of the Living One who sees me.’ Yet again, an Egyptian maidservant, manipulated and cast out, wandering in the the wilderness pregnant with nowhere to go, a complete ragamuffin was the only person to name God in all of the Old Testament – does that comfort your heart like it does mine? And even as God made a promise to her to multiply her offspring, He didn’t exactly say what a mother wants to hear about her son (that everyone’s hand will be against him) – but still her only response was crying out El Roi, the God of seeing – at a spring in the desert – the parallels to our own lives are endless, aren’t they?

Fellow ragamuffins – God is still El Roi – the God who finds us by a spring in the desert of our lives – the God who sees us – sees us in the midst of our pain, sees us in the midst of our wounds, in the midst of our wandering through the wilderness, in the midst of our joys, in the midst of our tears, in the midst of our distrust of others, in the midst of the names we have felt placed upon us by others and ourselves – and here is the most beautiful thing – God sees us as He created us to be, He sees where we can go if we simply abide in Him, He sees the desires of our hearts beyond what we can fully grasp, He sees how He will use even the enemy’s attacks in our lives for good, He sees how He is going to raise up those unique gifts He has placed in us if we continue to submit to Him… He is the God of seeing. He sees you as you are and as you were meant to be – and He is the God who will see you and love you in that process.

And sometimes God uses us to reveal to others that they are seen and heard by El Roi. Hagar did go back to Sarai and Abram and we have no written record of what life was like when she returned (there is a 13 year gap between Genesis 16 and Genesis 17) – but I can only imagine that others were encouraged by her experience with El Roi. She was probably still a bit of a ragamuffin – yet she encountered El Roi and that changes everything.